Soon you will be able to head over to amazon.com and buy yourself a copy of Corporate Life Sucks: The Book. The book will feature a cover that pays tribute to the original Corporate Life Sucks color theme, every article posted so far on the website, and a few new, unpublished articles as well.
Have a look at a rendering of how the actual book may look:
In the meantime, keep working that unpaid overtime with a smile on your face, taking smoke breaks, and asking stupid questions in meetings while you wait!
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I just sent someone an email asking detailed questions and the response I got back was this:
“Not sure. Propose for current state of market.”
Guess what, asshole? I can’t “propose for current state of market” until you answer the fucking questions I just asked you. Do you think I asked them because I was bored and didn’t have anything better to do? Do you think I asked them because surfing the internet finally got boring and I decided I would rather do some work? And speaking of questions, did you mean to ask me one? ..read more
You can’t even say “Merry Christmas” in the office anymore without offending someone. What the hell is that crap? I remember years ago when you could say “Merry Christmas!” and people would respond “Merry Christmas to you, too!” People used to decorate the office with Christmas trees and banners that read “Merry Christmas” and everyone was happy. But you can’t do that anymore. It’s all “Happy Holidays” now.
The worst part is that no one cares except for HR. If you say “Merry Christmas” and someone in HR overhears, you’re going to get written up ..read more
Going to the bathroom in the corporate world can actually serve two purposes: 1) relieving yourself, and 2) passing time. I think number 1 right there is pretty obvious, so let’s talk about number 2 (no pun intended).
It’s no secret that being at work sucks, but you can’t just get up and leave whenever you feel like it without getting fired, and if you’re being timed on the clock, you may not even be able to get up and take an unscheduled break. But sometimes you just need a break from your micromanaging bosses, your annoying coworkers, your stupid ..read more
Everyone has that one person at work that they hate; their very presence makes your blood boil and your teeth clench. And I’m sure some of you have those 50 people at work that you hate. And you’re probably like “man, I sure do hate so-and-so. I wish they’d get fired so I’d never have to work with them again!” And then on those days when you are really bringing the hate, you probably think “Hell, I’d fire them myself!”
Well, you probably wouldn’t actually do it. Everyone likes to talk a big game, but having ..read more
Stay tuned. I’m going to be posting some of the best hate mail and fan mail that I have received in the last year.
Don’t worry; I won’t share anyone’s email address.
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Ping. verb
1. the act of checking the speed of Packet data sent and received on a network.
I propose a revolution: whenever the next corporate idiot wants you to send them an instant message and tells you “ping me when you get back to your desk” (or whatever), reply with “Ok, what’s your IP address?” Then perform an actual ping on him and inform him of his computer’s response time
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If your office building has an elevator you probably use it every day, especially if you’re lazy (not that there’s anything wrong with that!). But there are certain rules that should be followed if you’re going to use the elevator.
1. If you just got in and someone else is approaching the elevator and is only 5-10 feet away, hold the door open. Don’t be that person who starts hitting the “close door” button really fast, and if you are going to be that person, definitely don’t look at the person and shrug as if you were actually ..read more
Look at this list of nicknames.
I was just talking to some former coworkers of mine and we were remembering how, when we all worked together at the same company, we came up with nicknames for all these people that we saw frequently but we didn’t actually know. So we’d see someone in the cafeteria (this job provided catered lunch) do something, and if we wanted to tell the story we’d have to use an agreed-upon nickname since we didn’t actually know the person. The company was huge and not one of those cases where everyone knows everyone else. ..read more
Don’t get me wrong: resumes are definitely a vital part in the process of obtaining a job. But I always laugh at three specific parts of a resume, the first of which we will look at in this article.
Objective Statment
Objective statements are hilarious because every single one of them can be rephrased as “I want a job so I can get money.”
For example:
Objective:
IT professional highly proficient with transforming established preliminary business requirements into fully functioning systems. Focused team leader capable of efficiently managing both on and offsite resources. Focused resource instrumental to exhaustive quality checks during development and testing. ..read more
You are here because corporate life sucks. You hate your job, you hate your work environment, and you probably hate your coworkers, too.
