I do a lot of business online and as a result I interact a lot with various companies’ websites and email customer service. Sometimes I’m surprised by what I encounter. Here is a list of ways to lose my business as a customer or potential customer:
1. Have music and/or a video autoplay on your website. This goes double if the volume is super loud and it scares the crap out of me when it starts playing. How can losing my business go “double”? You lose my business and I’ll also tell a friend your company sucks. Double.
2. Have your website ..read more
If I had a dollar for every time my managers used the word “proactive” in an evaluation, well, I’d have a lot more money than I do now.
The problem with this word is that, while it has a definite meaning, its use is vague enough that if your manager feels like giving you a bad review, they can just say you “aren’t proactive enough.” Even if you do more than what is assigned to you, even if you anticipate future problems and take the necessary steps to avoid them, you can still be told you “aren’t proactive enough.” It’s a ..read more
What is this, 1995?
Same thing goes if you autoplay background music. How does that garbage even get approved?
“Hey, you know what would be awesome? If we annoyed our visitors with background music. Oh, and let’s make the pause button really tiny and hide it so it takes them 30 seconds to find it. That’s a great way to keep potential customers on our website!”
Job interviews are awesome. You study and practice answers to insightful questions such as:
“Tell me about a time when you were working on a team and someone asked you to do something unethical…”
Those questions suck. That one in particular sucks. If you have had the good fortune not to work for any sleazy dbags, you won’t have an answer, so do what everyone does: make something up.
The best part of the interview, however, is at the end. This is the time when they ask you if you have any questions for them.
Be prepared: if you don’t have any questions you ..read more
I asked a specific question because I want a specific answer.
If your garbage documentation was helpful in the first place then I wouldn’t have even needed to bother you with my question at all. But since your documentation sucks, now you need to answer my question.
That doesn’t mean to give me pre-scripted responses, either.
It means listen to my question and then give me the answer. Not 5 other things that aren’t the answer, and certainly not a link to a big ass database that may or may not have the answer in it somewhere.
Geez, this is like if I ask ..read more
I thought the normal barrage of corporate buzzwords was bad enough, but now everyone has to talk about “the cloud” all the time? Really?
Exactly what is the cloud? Every time you see a technology commercial, someone is talking about “the cloud.” It must be pretty awesome, right?
Do you know what it is?
It’s the internet.
We’ve all been using the cloud for years. In fact, you’re using the cloud right now.
So why are they calling it that? Why the new name? Why not just say “the internet” or after you finish uploading something, say “it’s online?”
Because people like stupid names for things, ..read more
I know the book is supposed to be out by now, but you know how things go. In the meantime, here are some classic Corporate Life Sucks articles for you to read while you’re working late without being paid overtime. On a weekend.
The article I wrote that was the inspirational basis for this entire website:
Working in Systems Development Sucks
The article that exposes the truth about the corporate game. It’s not what you know, nor is it how much work you do. It’s how much your managers think you do:
How to Get a Good Performance Review
So many of you ..read more
It has been brought to my attention that someone in Turkey created a group on Facebook to celebrate Corporate Life Sucks! Here is the link. I am touched, and would like to express my gratitude, appreciation, and love to my fans all around the world.
It seems that corporate life sucks no matter where you live. Keep fighting the good fight, everyone.
It boggles my mind that some of the people I deal with can even manage to tie their shoes in the morning.
Imagine you get a request from a client for some work they want done. Ok, great, right? Except their request has a few issues so you email them back and point out the issues and ask for clarification. At this point, you are probably expecting an email from them clarifying the items in question, right?
So imagine when the response you get is just a FWD’ed copy of the first email they sent you. This is like the business equivalent ..read more
Soon you will be able to head over to amazon.com and buy yourself a copy of Corporate Life Sucks: The Book. The book will feature a cover that pays tribute to the original Corporate Life Sucks color theme, every article posted so far on the website, and a few new, unpublished articles as well.
Have a look at a rendering of how the actual book may look:
In the meantime, keep working that unpaid overtime with a smile on your face, taking smoke breaks, and asking stupid questions in meetings while you wait!