Hey Alcoholic, Try to Wait Until Happy-Hour!

Contrary to how it may sound, drinking at work is a bad idea.

Some people take things too far.

Most people hate their jobs.  You know it’s true.  I know it’s true.  That’s why you’re on this website in the first place.  And a lot of people turn to alcohol when they’re in a situation that they don’t like.  But seriously, don’t drink at work, and here’s why:

1.  Contrary to what you think, alcohol has a very noticeable odor.  You know that little sample-sized bottle of vodka that you keep in your desk drawer and mix into a bottle of fruit juice when no one is looking?  We can smell it.  Even if you go into the bathroom and mix it there, put the lid back on, and hide it in your desk, we can still smell it.

2.  Contrary to what you think, we can smell vodka on your breath.  For some reason a lot of people think that vodka doesn’t have an odor.  I don’t know where this idea started, but it’s wrong.  It has a very distinct smell: ALCOHOL.  So even if you pound your drink while hidden in a bathroom stall, we can still smell it on you when you get back to your desk.

3.  You’re probably a useless employee in the first place, but when you’re drunk at work, you somehow manage to become even more useless.  At one of my jobs there was this woman who would leave for 15-30 minutes at a time and go to ther car and drink.  When she came back she’d smell like alcohol (see point #2 above) and just sit there at her desk doing nothing.  Actually, now that I think about it, sometimes she would pick up the phone and call her kids and start screaming at them.  How classy!  Of course, she was buddy-buddy with her manager so she never got fired because let’s face it, it’s not about how productive of an employee you are; it’s about how much your boss likes you.

4.  Your liver will thank you.  That’s right.  I said it.

Now get back to work and try to wait until at least 5pm to start with the drinky.

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