I know the book is supposed to be out by now, but you know how things go. In the meantime, here are some classic Corporate Life Sucks articles for you to read while you’re working late without being paid overtime. On a weekend.
The article I wrote that was the inspirational basis for this entire website:
Working in Systems Development Sucks
The article that exposes the truth about the corporate game. It’s not what you know, nor is it how much work you do. It’s how much your managers think you do:
How to Get a Good Performance Review
So many of you ..read more
It boggles my mind that some of the people I deal with can even manage to tie their shoes in the morning.
Imagine you get a request from a client for some work they want done. Ok, great, right? Except their request has a few issues so you email them back and point out the issues and ask for clarification. At this point, you are probably expecting an email from them clarifying the items in question, right?
So imagine when the response you get is just a FWD’ed copy of the first email they sent you. This is like the business equivalent ..read more
Soon you will be able to head over to amazon.com and buy yourself a copy of Corporate Life Sucks: The Book. The book will feature a cover that pays tribute to the original Corporate Life Sucks color theme, every article posted so far on the website, and a few new, unpublished articles as well.
Have a look at a rendering of how the actual book may look:
In the meantime, keep working that unpaid overtime with a smile on your face, taking smoke breaks, and asking stupid questions in meetings while you wait!
I just sent someone an email asking detailed questions and the response I got back was this:
“Not sure. Propose for current state of market.”
Guess what, asshole? I can’t “propose for current state of market” until you answer the fucking questions I just asked you. Do you think I asked them because I was bored and didn’t have anything better to do? Do you think I asked them because surfing the internet finally got boring and I decided I would rather do some work? And speaking of questions, did you mean to ask me one? ..read more
You can’t even say “Merry Christmas” in the office anymore without offending someone. What the hell is that crap? I remember years ago when you could say “Merry Christmas!” and people would respond “Merry Christmas to you, too!” People used to decorate the office with Christmas trees and banners that read “Merry Christmas” and everyone was happy. But you can’t do that anymore. It’s all “Happy Holidays” now.
The worst part is that no one cares except for HR. If you say “Merry Christmas” and someone in HR overhears, you’re going to get written up ..read more
Going to the bathroom in the corporate world can actually serve two purposes: 1) relieving yourself, and 2) passing time. I think number 1 right there is pretty obvious, so let’s talk about number 2 (no pun intended).
It’s no secret that being at work sucks, but you can’t just get up and leave whenever you feel like it without getting fired, and if you’re being timed on the clock, you may not even be able to get up and take an unscheduled break. But sometimes you just need a break from your micromanaging bosses, your annoying coworkers, your stupid ..read more
Everyone has that one person at work that they hate; their very presence makes your blood boil and your teeth clench. And I’m sure some of you have those 50 people at work that you hate. And you’re probably like “man, I sure do hate so-and-so. I wish they’d get fired so I’d never have to work with them again!” And then on those days when you are really bringing the hate, you probably think “Hell, I’d fire them myself!”
Well, you probably wouldn’t actually do it. Everyone likes to talk a big game, but having ..read more
1. the act of checking the speed of Packet data sent and received on a network.
I propose a revolution: whenever the next corporate idiot wants you to send them an instant message and tells you “ping me when you get back to your desk” (or whatever), reply with “Ok, what’s your IP address?” Then perform an actual ping on him and inform him of his computer’s response time 😀
If your office building has an elevator you probably use it every day, especially if you’re lazy (not that there’s anything wrong with that!). But there are certain rules that should be followed if you’re going to use the elevator.
1. If you just got in and someone else is approaching the elevator and is only 5-10 feet away, hold the door open. Don’t be that person who starts hitting the “close door” button really fast, and if you are going to be that person, definitely don’t look at the person and shrug as if you were actually ..read more
Look at this list of nicknames.
I was just talking to some former coworkers of mine and we were remembering how, when we all worked together at the same company, we came up with nicknames for all these people that we saw frequently but we didn’t actually know. So we’d see someone in the cafeteria (this job provided catered lunch) do something, and if we wanted to tell the story we’d have to use an agreed-upon nickname since we didn’t actually know the person. The company was huge and not one of those cases where everyone knows everyone else. ..read more