banner You are here because corporate life sucks. You hate your job, you hate your work environment, and you probably hate your coworkers, too.

This site will explore what makes corporate life suck so much, as well as what makes you hate your coworkers. It will also occasionally provide advice on what you can do to make your life a little less miserable. More...
Jun
13th

Resumes Are Hilarious (part 1)

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life, Job search

Don’t get me wrong:  resumes are definitely a vital part in the process of obtaining a job.  But I always laugh at three specific parts of a resume, the first of which we will look at in this article.

Objective Statment

Objective statements are hilarious because every single one of them can be rephrased as “I want a job so I can get money.”

For example:

Objective:
IT professional highly proficient with transforming established preliminary business requirements into fully functioning systems.  Focused team leader capable of efficiently managing both on and offsite resources. Focused resource instrumental to exhaustive quality checks during development and testing. ..read more


Jun
1st

Hey Alcoholic, Try to Wait Until Happy-Hour!

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life, Coworkers

Contrary to how it may sound, drinking at work is a bad idea.

Some people take things too far.

Most people hate their jobs.  You know it’s true.  I know it’s true.  That’s why you’re on this website in the first place.  And a lot of people turn to alcohol when they’re in a situation that they don’t like.  But seriously, don’t drink at work, and here’s why:

1.  Contrary to what you think, alcohol has a very noticeable odor.  You know that little sample-sized bottle of vodka that you keep in your desk drawer and mix into a bottle of fruit juice ..read more


May
13th

“Hey Is For Horses, Not For Managers”

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life, Coworkers

At my first corporate job we used Lotus Notes and subsequently used an instant messaging program called Sametime. I’m sure many of you reading this are familiar with it. If not, it’s basically exactly like Instant Messenger except it says “Sametime” instead of “AIM” in the window.

Anyway, one day I had to ask one of my managers a question so I sent him a Sametime and said “hey.”

He replied “hey is for horses, not for managers.”

I’m not sure if he was trying to be funny or if he was trying to suggest that I should be more formal ..read more


May
4th

Are You Here to Grow With the Company, or Just For a Paycheck?

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life

Have you ever been asked this before by your manager?

What a loaded question.

Obviously saying anything other than “I want to grow with this company” is going to get you a ton of shit. And don’t get me wrong, that is exactly what you should say. But consider the opposite:

Does your company want you to grow? Does your company actually give a shit about you? If your job suddenly became “redundant,” as the British like to call it, would leadership say “oh gee, it’s too bad Joe Schmoe’s job is being eliminated… we really like him and want ..read more


Apr
29th

Reason Number 2 Not to Come to Work Sick: You Might Have Swine Flu

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life, Coworkers

And more importantly, you might give me swine flu.

I’m just kidding. There’s already more than 2 reasons to not go to work when you’re sick. But now in addition to being unproductive, annoying, unsanitary, and a danger of spreading regular germs around the office, you geniuses* with your ridiculously convoluted sense of company loyalty who insist on going to the office and working all that unpaid overtime with a smile on your face when you’re sick are also going to be spreading around swine flu.

I know you love being in the office coughing all over your coworkers, but you know ..read more


Apr
21st

How to Tell if Your Company’s PTO Policy is Bullshit

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life

A lot of companies will tell you that one of the perks of working for them is a “generous PTO package” or some baloney like that. Let me explain: You could have a PTO package that gives you 1,000 hours of PTO per year, but it’s completely worthless if you can’t ever use any of it. Fortunately, there is an easy way to see if your company’s PTO policy is bullshit by answering a simple question:

If you want to use PTO time, do you have to work extra to make up for it?

If the answer to that question ..read more


Apr
15th

Please Stop Burning Your Microwave Popcorn

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life

We all know popcorn is a delicious snack, but if you’re not sure how long to microwave it for, ask the woman who makes it every afternoon (every office has one!); I’m sure she will be happy to tell you.

But please, do not just guess. Just because your old 1980s microwave at home takes 5 minutes to cook a big bag of popcorn does not mean it’s a good idea to try to cook the small bag you got from the vending machine for 5 minutes in the industrial-strength 1100 watt microwave in the office. Seriously. I’m actually working on ..read more


Mar
22nd

Today Is Not “Bring Your Baby to Work Day”

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life

Why does everyone get so excited when someone brings a baby into the office? It’s like a sudden explosion of maternal instinct hysteria. And it’s always the same:

Someone walks onto the floor and you notice something odd is going on because their gait is different than normal: they’re bouncing ever so slightly with each step.

Then you see the reason: they’re carrying (and simultaneously entertaining) a baby.

You keep it to yourself because you know what events are about to follow…

“It’s a baby!”

Followed by…

“IT’S A BABY!!!”

And there’s always at least one slightly aloof woman who says…

“What? What do you mean there’s a ..read more


Mar
12th

Tales From HR: I May Be an Evil Bitch, But You Are a Moron!

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life

This article is a guest submission from someone who has worked in HR for a while. She says the idiots with which she must deal on a daily basis often drive her to drink (just kidding (no, I’m not)). So without any more delay, here is her contribution:

Greetings from the world of HR!

Despite being a card-carrying member of corporate America (thank God my company doesn’t suck that much — and no, we don’t currently have any openings, so don’t ask), I feel compelled to write this article for corporatelifesucks.org in an attempt to show you just another aspect of corporate ..read more


Mar
1st

Smoking Is a Great Way to Get Out of Doing Work

Author: Admin | Files under Corporate Life, Coworkers

I do not smoke, but I think smokers are absolutely brilliant. It’s the greatest excuse possible to excuse yourself from working, and it’s absoutely, 100% legit.

If you’re not a smoker and you get up to go stretch your legs and take a break, chances are your micromanaging boss will see you and will cite “slacking off” as a reason you’re not getting a raise at your next performance review.

However, if you are a smoker, you are free to excuse yourself whenever you want to go have a smoke. The entire corporate infrastructure is based around understanding nicotine cravings. Not only ..read more