At my first corporate job we used Lotus Notes and subsequently used an instant messaging program called Sametime. I’m sure many of you reading this are familiar with it. If not, it’s basically exactly like Instant Messenger except it says “Sametime” instead of “AIM” in the window.
Anyway, one day I had to ask one of my managers a question so I sent him a Sametime and said “hey.”
He replied “hey is for horses, not for managers.”
I’m not sure if he was trying to be funny or if he was trying to suggest that I should be more formal ..read more
Have you ever been asked this before by your manager?
What a loaded question.
Obviously saying anything other than “I want to grow with this company” is going to get you a ton of shit. And don’t get me wrong, that is exactly what you should say. But consider the opposite:
Does your company want you to grow? Does your company actually give a shit about you? If your job suddenly became “redundant,” as the British like to call it, would leadership say “oh gee, it’s too bad Joe Schmoe’s job is being eliminated… we really like him and want ..read more
And more importantly, you might give me swine flu.
I’m just kidding. There’s already more than 2 reasons to not go to work when you’re sick. But now in addition to being unproductive, annoying, unsanitary, and a danger of spreading regular germs around the office, you geniuses* with your ridiculously convoluted sense of company loyalty who insist on going to the office and working all that unpaid overtime with a smile on your face when you’re sick are also going to be spreading around swine flu.
I know you love being in the office coughing all over your coworkers, but you know ..read more
A lot of companies will tell you that one of the perks of working for them is a “generous PTO package” or some baloney like that. Let me explain: You could have a PTO package that gives you 1,000 hours of PTO per year, but it’s completely worthless if you can’t ever use any of it. Fortunately, there is an easy way to see if your company’s PTO policy is bullshit by answering a simple question:
If you want to use PTO time, do you have to work extra to make up for it?
If the answer to that question ..read more
We all know popcorn is a delicious snack, but if you’re not sure how long to microwave it for, ask the woman who makes it every afternoon (every office has one!); I’m sure she will be happy to tell you.
But please, do not just guess. Just because your old 1980s microwave at home takes 5 minutes to cook a big bag of popcorn does not mean it’s a good idea to try to cook the small bag you got from the vending machine for 5 minutes in the industrial-strength 1100 watt microwave in the office. Seriously. I’m actually working on ..read more
Why does everyone get so excited when someone brings a baby into the office? It’s like a sudden explosion of maternal instinct hysteria. And it’s always the same:
Someone walks onto the floor and you notice something odd is going on because their gait is different than normal: they’re bouncing ever so slightly with each step.
Then you see the reason: they’re carrying (and simultaneously entertaining) a baby.
You keep it to yourself because you know what events are about to follow…
“It’s a baby!”
Followed by…
“IT’S A BABY!!!”
And there’s always at least one slightly aloof woman who says…
“What? What do you mean there’s a ..read more
This article is a guest submission from someone who has worked in HR for a while. She says the idiots with which she must deal on a daily basis often drive her to drink (just kidding (no, I’m not)). So without any more delay, here is her contribution:
Greetings from the world of HR!
Despite being a card-carrying member of corporate America (thank God my company doesn’t suck that much — and no, we don’t currently have any openings, so don’t ask), I feel compelled to write this article for corporatelifesucks.org in an attempt to show you just another aspect of corporate ..read more
I do not smoke, but I think smokers are absolutely brilliant. It’s the greatest excuse possible to excuse yourself from working, and it’s absoutely, 100% legit.
If you’re not a smoker and you get up to go stretch your legs and take a break, chances are your micromanaging boss will see you and will cite “slacking off” as a reason you’re not getting a raise at your next performance review.
However, if you are a smoker, you are free to excuse yourself whenever you want to go have a smoke. The entire corporate infrastructure is based around understanding nicotine cravings. Not only ..read more
Japan is legendary for its insane work schedules. Corporate employees in America are known to love to stay and work unpaid overtime, but in Japan it’s not unheard of for employees to keep inflatable beds around so they can sleep at the office. The Japanese language even has a word, karoshi, that means “death from overwork”.
The main difference between American’s long hours and the long hours worked by Japanese employees lies in the context.
Americans love being at the office because they hate their lives and hate spending time with their families and would rather be at work. Japanese, on the ..read more
“Lucrative” is the most commonly heard word before you accept a job (contrast with “proactive” which is the most commonly heard word after you accept a job).
Every job posting I have ever seen has described its benefits package as “lucrative.” Sometimes it even says “lucrative salary,” too. And then during the initial interview, it’s as if HR wants to make absolutely sure you are aware of their “lucrative” package, so before actual compensation amounts are even discussed, the interviewer always mentions again how “lucrative” their offer is.
There wouldn’t even be anything wrong with that if every company didn’t describe its ..read more
You are here because corporate life sucks. You hate your job, you hate your work environment, and you probably hate your coworkers, too.
